


the sun by his side

by grandoikawa



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: M/M, Oscar Isaac's acting in TROS???, and then he had Poe look at Finn LIKE THAT, he really said "i'm gonna give the gays what they want" didn't he?, legends only
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:15:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24250432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grandoikawa/pseuds/grandoikawa
Summary: Poe Dameron had never considered himself the jealous type. Then again, maybe he’d never had a reason to be jealous. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d taken his eyes off the prize long enough to want something.____Poe is jealous and oblivious
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 9
Kudos: 159





	the sun by his side

**Author's Note:**

> I want to formally thank Oscar Isaac for coming into my home and filling me with such inspiration that he disintegrated my five-year-long writer's block.

Poe Dameron had never considered himself the jealous type. Then again, maybe he’d never had a reason to be jealous. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d taken his eyes off the prize long enough to want something.

Something had changed the day he first met Finn. That day he’d taken his eyes off the prize long enough to replace it with another. His parents being a part of the Resistance meant that there had never been any doubt in his mind as to where he was heading in life. He’d known since the first time he met General Organa as a kid. He’d always felt that there was a purpose to his life, a goal worth achieving and it was printed on his heart as clearly as it was printed on the recruitment flyers of the resistance: _Win the War_. Granted, not the most clever marketing strategy, but very straightforward. And that was how he’d felt. He belonged to the stars and the vast expanse of space was his home. His X-wing was set on auto-pilot, he knew where he was going and he was headed for it with a straight trajectory. All he had to do was stay on course.

And then he’d gone and gotten himself captured by the First Order.

It is weird to think of that day as simultaneously the worst and the best day of his life. Poe feels like that shouldn’t be possible. But it is. He had been tortured by Kylo Ren and had his brain pried open against his will until every single piece of him was exposed for Ren to see. Poe thinks that he probably saw things he himself didn’t even know about, things too horrible for him to bear that he’d compartmentalised in order to avoid dealing with them. The thought of someone knowing him better than he knew himself - and for that person to be Kylo _fucking_ Ren - had led to many sleepless nights where he’d wake up in a cold sweat with a splitting headache and a heart that threatened to burst out of his chest.

And yet, in a way, it had been worth it.

The Stormtrooper had meant to take him to Ren again and for a second Poe had come to terms with the fact that he was about to die. He’d sent a thought to Leia, an ‘I’m sorry‘ as the crushing weight of failure had settled on his shoulders. And then the Stormtrooper had turned to him and told him he could get Poe out of there. Amidst the confusion Poe felt, the man had removed his helmet and the air had disappeared from Poe’s lungs. The dark eyes drew him in and Poe feels as if he hasn’t been able to look away since.

Finn had rescued him and Poe thinks that’s when he changed. Or rather, when the war changed. His fight with the Resistance became more to him than winning the war. Poe had been fighting for concepts of freedom and peace. And there Finn had been, an embodiment of the Rebellion, a person who managed to break through Stormtrooper conditioning and take the freedom he’d wanted. The Resistance was fighting for Finn, and people like him. He’d shown Poe that there was something that came after the war, after winning.

When Finn reunited with Rey - Rey who was the beacon and their last hope - Poe had stood to the side. He had heard Finn talk about her and he knew their relationship was special. He had watched them embrace and felt the ghost of Finn’s arms around him. He knew the warmth Finn exuded and the safety Rey felt holding him.

That’s when the sticky feeling in his gut had reared its head. He’d tried his best to hide it but he wasn’t sure he’d been successful.

There were instances when he would forget about his jealousy. Finn would smile in the way that makes his eyes crinkle to the point where they’d be barely visible anymore and Poe would feel a rush of giddiness so overpowering it would leave him lightheaded. Or Finn would laugh loudly at one of Poe’s jokes and the feeling of accomplishment Poe felt made him consider walking away from the Resistance and make hearing Finn’s laughter his one and only goal in life.

He’s joking. Of course.

Thinking back, Poe believes that it was probably during one of those instances when he realised he was in love with his friend. And maybe that’s when the jealous streak in him had appeared. Was jealousy always doomed to follow love?

Poe knew he had not always been kind to Rey as a consequence. He could be petty and harsher than necessary but at times he couldn’t help himself. Like the time she dropped a tree on BB-8 and she’d called him difficult for lightspeed skipping the Falcon. His exasperation was definitely justified that time. They’d started bickering and Finn had tried to play the mediator. That is how it goes sometimes. Definitely not all the time, but occasionally. It happens enough times for Poe to worry that Finn might eventually agree with Rey and start to consider him difficult.

____

The ground had opened up and swallowed them. The underground tunnels they’ve ended up in are pitch black until Rey pulls out her lightsaber and illuminates the way for them. Poe’s flashlight is no match for that thing. He feels Finn’s eyes on him and he can practically hear him say “Buddy, really?” when he pulls it out. Rey might have a large glowing stick, but at least Poe has a flashlight. He trails behind the two of them so it’s practically impossible not to overhear their conversation.

“What were you going to tell me?” Rey asks.

“When?”

“When we were sinking in the sand you said ‘I never told you…’” Had Poe not been listening as intently as he is, he would have missed Finn’s whispered reply.

“I’ll tell you later.” Something ugly stirs in Poe at those words. It’s the fact that it’s whispered, so as to avoid Poe overhearing them, that makes his stomach churn. It’s a secret between the two of them, one that he isn’t privy to. Poe fears he knows exactly what Finn wants to tell Rey and it turns his stomach to ice. He gets in between the two of them.

“Do you mean when Poe’s not here?” He tries to keep his voice as neutral as possible, tries to leave out the jealousy that’s sticking to his every word. He looks Finn square in the face as he passes. “Yeah?”

Finn can’t do anything but confirm.

“M-hm.”

“So we’re going to die in sand boroughs and we’re all keeping secrets?”

“I’ll tell you when you tell us about all that shifty stuff you do.” _Gladly,_ Poe thinks. _I’ll pry my brain open and show you everything Kylo Ren saw if it means you’ll say ‘I love you’._ Instead he takes the lead and focuses on getting them out of these fucking tunnels.

____

  
  


What he feels now is a black hole where his stomach used to be before it dropped out from under him. This was supposed to be a rescue mission, a simple extraction. He should’ve known it wouldn’t be that easy seeing as nothing’s ever simple these days. Poe is standing between Chewie and Finn with his hands shackled in front of him. There’s a spot on his chin that itches and his arm throbs violently from where he was shot but seeing as they are about to die, it’s not really that big of a deal. What is a big deal is that Finn is about to die with him. Poe can hear the Stormtroopers’ blasters charging up behind them. And then General Hugs enters.

“Actually, I’d like to do this myself.” _Of course you fucking do, General Hugs._

This is it. There will be no deserter among the Stormtroopers this time, Finn was special. He’s always been special. Poe looks over to him and takes in Finn’s profile. His dark eyes still manage to captivate Poe, and for some reason it makes him feel a little bit safer. But there’s a panic rising from somewhere in the black hole inside him that threatens the little bit of safety Poe’s clinging to. He can’t die here. Not without knowing. Not without hearing the words he thinks Finn will say if he asks. Maybe, just maybe, Poe will be able to close his eyes and pretend that the words are for him. He leans in closer to his friend.

“What were you gonna tell Rey before?” Finn doesn’t answer immediately and Poe can’t help but bounce in place to expel some of the worry he feels. His heart is racing and he can feel a slight tingle in his fingers. Poe knows his reaction is not only due to the the fact that they’re going to die.

“Are you still on that?” His stomach drops out for a second time.

Finn is frowning, as if he can’t figure out why Poe would bring this up now. Poe stares at him in disbelief. To him it’s the only thing that matters.

An inexplicable anger rises in him, an anger he hadn’t foreseen. It’s directed at himself mostly, for being so stupid as to think that Finn would ever say those words in his presence. Poe isn’t Rey. He is not the last Jedi, the one destined to save them all and end the war. He’s just an X-wing pilot who happens to compete with her for the warmth of the sun.

“Oh I’m sorry, is this a bad time?” Poe fails at concealing some of the venom in his words. Chewie growls next to him. “It’s a really fucking bad time!”

“Actually, it sort of is a bad time,” Finn says and nods to how they’re lined up in a row about to be executed.

Poe tears his gaze away from Finn’s face. He can feel the panic rising in his throat.

“Well, it’s later so if you want to let something off your chest” please just say the words “now is not the worst time-”

Shots are fired from the blasters behind them. Poe can’t help but flinch and duck his head. He waits to feel his legs give out beneath him. They never do and he stays standing.

Finn, Poe and Chewie all turn around as one to see the smoke rising from the holes in the Stormtroopers’ bodies.

“I’m the spy.” Hugs’ voice wavers a little.

“What?!” Poe’s mind is reeling.

“You?!” The disbelief is clear in Finn’s voice.

“We don’t have much time.”

“I knew it!” Poe can’t help saying.

“No you did not,” Finn responds. And he’s right but Poe’s not going to admit that.

As they’re making their way through the Star Destroyer, Poe’s panic subsides.They’re okay. He and Finn are okay. Finn can tell him his secret another day.

____

No matter what Jannah said about the condition of the ship, their landing on Endor didn’t even make his top 10 list of bad landings. If the damages to the Falcon could be fixed within a couple of hours, was the Falcon even really damaged? Poe doesn’t think so. The Falcon disagrees with him by letting the exposed wires he’s working on shock him for the twelfth time.

“Ow!” Fuck. He’d bragged to Snap once about how he would be able fix his X-wing with his hands tied behind his back, but now he isn’t so sure. Working with one arm in a sling was turning out to be quite the challenge. Especially when he was under pressure to get it fixed as soon as possible.

Poe doesn’t have to be force sensitive like Finn in order to feel that there is a tension in the air. It’s cascading off of Rey in waves, clinging to everyone in her vicinity. Everyone on the Falcon can feel her determination and resolve to get to the husk of the Death Star.

They were so close to finding answers, to finding the final lead that would lead them to Exegol and help them win this war. But then they’d been stopped by the ocean. The waves had towered over them in such a looming way that Poe had felt a twitch in his fingers as they’d longed to grasp the controls of his X-wing. The urge to be above those waves where they wouldn’t be able to reach him had been so strong that he’d had to poke his wounded arm in order to think of something else.

This is why Poe is working as quickly as he can, and probably why he’s gotten zapped twelve times already.

Suddenly BB-8 is by the door beeping for his attention. Poe holds his wounded arm as he lowers himself in order to be on the same level as his droid.

“What is it buddy?” The beeps BB-8 makes in response turns Poe’s insides to ice.

“What do you mean you haven’t seen her?” BB-8 beeps again.

“Finn!”

They’re out by the ocean in seconds. Finn has the binoculars pressed to his face before they’ve even stopped. Somehow the waves seem to have gotten even bigger. Poe barely manages to suppress a shudder. Surely, Rey’s not out there. BB-8 must be wrong. She can’t be that stupid. She can’t be that brave.

Finn turns to him, his face pinched in an emotion that Poe can’t really pin down - desperation? Hopelessness? - and hands him the binoculars without a word. Poe raises them to his eyes, steeling himself against the vision of Rey’s body being thrashed around like a leaf in a storm.

“She took a Skimmer?” Jannah asks. And she’s right. Poe spots Rey fighting against the wall of waves with a fucking Skimmer. Poe doesn’t want to watch as one of the waves towers up before her but he can’t seem to look away. She keeps the Skimmer steady as she mounts the wave and before she disappears on the other side Poe has time to think that he might not be the best pilot in the Resistance anymore. If he watches this any longer the ice in his veins will have frozen him solid.

They need to get back to the Falcon, patch it up, get Rey and that stupid compass and get the hell out of there.

“What the hell was she thinking?” he growls out. He’s turned his back on the ocean and is already striding towards the ship. Finn is right on his heels.

“Poe, we gotta go after her.”

“We’ll get the Falcon fixed and get out there as fast as we can.”

“No, then we’ll lose her.”

“Look, she left us. What do you want to do? Swim?” He can feel his irritation rising to the surface. Finn can’t seriously consider going out there on a Skimmer right? Because if Finn goes that means Poe has to go, and Poe really doesn’t want to die being dragged to the bottom of the ocean. He’d be buried as far away from the stars as possible. Poe shudders at the thought. Finn can’t be that stupid. Or that brave.

Who’s he kidding, of course he can.

“She's not herself! You have no idea what she’s fighting.” The last of Poe’s patience goes up in smoke. He whirls on his friend who stops dead in his tracks.

“Oh and you do?” There’s a moment’s hesitation as Finn seems to take in the expression on Poe’s face. There seems to be something that he’s searching for in Poe’s eyes. He wants to yell. How can Finn not see it? Poe feels as if it’s written all over him, as if every movement he makes rewrites it on his body. Finn nods almost imperceptibly.

“Yeah, I do”, he says. “And so does Leia.” Poe inadvertently takes a step forward. His hand with the binoculars is raised and digging into Finn’s chest. When he speaks his voice is dangerously low.

“Well I’m not Leia.” Finn swipes the binoculars from his hand.

“That’s for damn sure.” He keeps his eyes locked on Poe, as if to make sure the words register with him. Poe lets his face fall as soon as Finn turns away.

The breath he takes wavers slightly. He’d exposed a piece of himself that he hadn’t shared willingly with anyone before, and it had been in anger. He doesn’t know where he fits in. He thinks he knew at one point. He isn’t force sensitive like Finn. And he doesn’t want to be, he knows Finn is special, he doesn’t need the Force to tell him that. But he feels like he’s missing something. A connection. Finn and Rey and Leia are connected in a way that’s different from how Poe is connected to them. And Finn has seen it too. Poe is different from them. How he thought he could ever compete with the force is beyond him. Who’s the stupid one now? He drops his arm to his side and it isn’t until he feels the searing pain that he’s reminded that it's wounded.

  
____

Leia is gone and for a couple of seconds Poe had felt his whole future go with her. The people around him had turned to him, and looked at him as if they were expecting him to provide them with an end to the war.

“Leia made you acting general.” He’d heard the words but they shouldn’t be for him.

“I’m not Leia”, he’d wanted to repeat. “And Finn agrees.”

It’s the truth: unlike Leia, Poe would never have been able to do this alone. That much was clear from the short time he had been the sole general of the Rebellion. With all the eyes of the Resistance on him he’d almost fallen apart.

“We had each other.” Lando’s words had echoed in his head. The solution had been so simple, staring him right in the face and now Poe feels a calm he only every feels around Finn. He is not alone anymore. With Finn at his back he feels as if he can face down the entire First Order with just one X-wing.

They’re sitting across from each other outside the base trying to go over the plan one last time. With the coordinates Rey is sending out from Luke’s old X-wing they’ll be able to bring the last fight to Exegol. The base is buzzing with life as people are preparing for take-off. The two of them only have a few moments before they need to be ready as well.

Maybe it’s the fact that they’re about to go to war and might not get another chance to sit like this, but something compels Poe to ask the question again. He takes a breath to steady himself.

“So, what were you going to tell Rey before?” Finn looks up from the blueprint he’s studying. He’s wearing the same confused expression he wore when Poe brought it up last time.

“Why are you so hung up on that?”

“Why do you keep evading the question?”

“I’m evading the question? Last time I checked you’ve asked me that at the two worst possible moments ever.” There’s a small smile on Finn’s lips. He thinks Poe is being ridiculous.

“I’m serious.” He tries his hardest not to sound that way. He doesn’t want Finn to see how much it is affecting him. “We’re co-generals now.”

“Oh, and as co-generals we share everything?” Finn laughs.

 _I wish,_ Poe thinks.

“Something like that.” He tries his hardest to smile. He can feel that it doesn’t reach his eyes.

Finn’s smile fades and his gaze softens. The way Finn is looking at him makes Poe feel seen in a way he isn’t comfortable with anymore. Not since Kylo. It’s too vulnerable and Poe is forced to look away. He hears Finn sigh.

“Do you remember when we first got to Ajan Kloss? And we were all busy setting up the base?” This isn’t exactly how Poe thought he’d say it but Finn is clearly expecting a response so Poe nods at him. “While Rey was using her jedi-powers left and right to help set up, I stole her lightsaber to practice with. I just knew that if I were to come face to face with Kylo again I wanted to be prepared.” Poe is staring at him as Finn shifts a bit where he’s sitting. As if he’s embarrassed. “Anyway, I don’t know if I swung it or dropped it or something but suddenly it wouldn’t activate anymore. I put it back without saying anything and later she went around asking who had touched it and I was too embarrassed to say anything. She even asked General Organa if she’d used it. She then spent the next week trying to fix it. Turned out the button was just jammed. And I just stood by and said nothing. It wouldn’t feel right not letting her know.”

Poe remembered that. Rey had even taken the Falcon in search for replacement parts. Finn is looking at Poe as if he’s expecting him to tear him a new one.

“I see. So that’s what’s been eating away at you buddy?” Poe asks.

Finn nods solemnly.

That’s it? That’s the secret he’s been dying to hear? Had Finn decided to share it with him before, the story of Rey’s broken lightsaber would’ve been the last thing he heard.

And here he breaks. Poe can’t help but laugh at his friend’s honesty. How could anyone not be in love with him? Finn is too good. The First Order were really up against it when raising Finn to be a Stormtrooper. They never stood a chance. It makes Poe laugh even louder. He hadn’t realised how much Finn’s secret had been weighing on him. There’s a small smile playing on Finn’s lips now that he knows Poe isn’t angry with him.

“Promise you won’t tell Rey before I do. I just haven’t found the right moment yet.”

Poe holds out his hand and Finn takes it.

“I promise. You can tell her when all of this is over.” He squeezes Finn’s hand and nods at his co-general. He nods back. Poe relaxes his hold but doesn’t pull back immediately. Neither does Finn.

Poe feels it go through him like a shock when Finn starts tracing patterns on the back of Poe’s hand with his thumb. Poe glances up to take in his friend’s expression, but Finn’s gaze is glued to their hands. This is no longer a handshake and it’s definitely more intimate than just holding someone’s hand. Finn knows that right? Their hands fit perfectly together. Poe can hear his own heart beat in his ears.

“My turn to ask a question, General Dameron.”

Poe is so honed in on the movement of Finn’s thumb that he barely registers that Finn is talking but the General Dameron gets his attention.

“Why did you want to know?”

Poe’s head snaps up.

“So what if I had a secret I wanted to tell Rey? How come that’s the one thing you want to hear when you think you’re about to die, huh? And don’t give me a bullshit answer, we’re co-generals now.” Finn is staring at him as if he’s challenging Poe to avert his gaze. Don’t you dare look away, his eyes seem to be saying. The smile is still playing on his lips.

Poe tries to get his hand back and Finn lets him go. Poe misses the warmth of his touch immediately but if he’s going to say this he needs to be in complete control.

“You won’t let me out of this one, huh buddy?” He tries.

“Nope.” Finn gives him a dazzling smile. Poe feels almost blinded. Finn really is like a sun. Poe can’t stand it anymore and looks away.

“Okay.” _Here it goes._ “I thought you were going to tell Rey that you loved her.”

The dirt on Finn’s shoe has never been so interesting before. He feels Finn envelop Poe’s hands in his. Poe’s heart almost stops.

“Why?”

“Why?” He croaks. “Why what?”

“Why did you want to hear me say that?”

Torture. This is torture. This is worse than anything Kylo Ren can come up with.

“Because…” Poe makes an exasperated noise somewhere at the back of his throat. “Because I wanted to hear you say ‘I love you’ okay?”

He barely gets to finish his sentence before Finn kisses him.

It takes all the air out of Poe’s lungs and he feels lightheaded almost immediately. Finn’s lips are impossibly warm against his. He has no control of what he’s doing but Poe is vaguely aware of his hands cupping Finn’s face, trying desperately to keep him there. It’s as if the last of the weight he’s been carrying has slipped from his shoulders and he feels lighter than ever before. He’s pretty sure he won’t need an X-wing in order to fly anymore.

Oh right, the war. Poe loves what he does. He loves going into space and shooting at the bad guys. It is where he’s the most useful, to the rebellion and to his friends. It is where home is, seeing as he belongs to the stars. But the stars aren’t always the best company. He would trade it all just to stay in this moment. He can feel Finn smile against his lips.

“Ok, we will have to breathe at some point.” Poe reluctantly releases his hold on Finn. Before he can move away completely Finn catches his hands in his own.

“Besides”, he continues. “We do still have a war to win.” The dazzling smile is back. Poe takes a shaky breath.

“I guess we do.”

Belonging to the stars wasn’t so bad when you had the sun right next to you.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u Malin for spending 4 hours with me last night going through this mess, you are the true MVP.


End file.
